I struggled again with sleep last night as I waited for his email to come in. He leaves the MTC on Tuesday morning at 6:30 a.m. and he'll travel by train down to Malaga. Then he will receive his assignment and he'll know where he's serving. That means I may not hear from him until the following week, whenever his new P-day is. I'm assuming it will be Monday, but I'm not sure. I'll be honest, missing him is not getting easier. Waiting for his letters to finally arrive every week is starting to get easier and the time is starting to feel like it's going a little faster. But I still sob when I read his letters and I still physically hurt with a desire to see him and talk to him. Mother's Day- only 17 days away!! :)
Hello my beautiful family!!
I have missed you so much. I literally ache for you. But I also ache to get out and preach the gospel of my Savior Jesus Christ. I leave on Tuesday morning at 6:30 am. It would be an understatement to say that I am excited. I have never been more ready for anything in my life. I am confident in my God and I know that He will in all ways direct my paths and my progression. I have learned lots at the MTC. I have never been so hard on myself in my entire life. Really. I have wasted time here. I have disobeyed rules. But I have learned lots. One thing is that repentance is constant. But it´s not repentance unless we actually make efforts to do better. There have been way too many nights where I chastise myself and plead for forgiveness from my Father because of how poorly I used His time that day. And then I find myself doing the exact same thing the next day. It´s ironic. And a huge problem. I wish that I could go back and do it again. I have learned lots and I have done good things. BUT I have not been the best that I could have been. I have wasted lots of hours that I could have been studying and preparing. I did not work as hard as I could have or should have. If my mission was now over and I was on the airplane home, I would hang my head and weep about what I didn´t accomplish. However, my mission is simply beginning. The greatest thing I learned here is what it feels like to fail. Did I fail completely? Absolutely not. Did I give my entire soul to God and sacrifice everything to do His work? No. I didn´t. Did I even come close? Nope. I could have given so much more. And that is failure. The thought of knowing that I could have given Him more is unbearable. I am not a psychopath or anything; I am definitely not too hard on myself- I just know that I can do so much better. I will not leave this country with regrets. I will not hang my head on that airplane home. I am leaving EVERYTHING here. Elder Holland said that missionaries should be CARRIED off the airplane home. An ambulance should meet us at the airport. This work is urgent. And it´s being hastened. I will not dwell on what I could have done better. That would be a waste of God´s time. Now is the time to go forward with faith, Trusting fully in the Lord, having learned from my mistakes.
I just got out of the temple. I shed a lot of tears in that Celestial Room. I have had the most beautiful experiences in the Madrid Spain Temple. The last three weeks have been miraculous for me. I did my last session in Spanish, and I went through the veil with little help. So different than the first time I went through veil in Spanish that first week. I decided to do a Spanish session the first and last weeks to test my progress. And I have progressed a great deal. But more important than that is the inspiration and love that I have received in La Casa Del Senor. I will always treasure Temple Square in Madrid. I have grown much closer to my Savior and a huge part of that resulted from my time in the temple. We are so blessed to have them in our lives in such abundance. Do you remember the song from Prince of Egypt? About the tapestry and its grand designs? The tapestry of His gospel and His church is woven so perfectly. Everything is connected. Sometimes we get glimpses of its grand design, and those are beautiful moments. It helps so much to see the big picture. The Plan of Salvation is divine. Obviously. I love the Gospel.
I had a lot of spiritual experiences this week. Even though it may have been my most unproductive week yet in regards to waste time, the Lord still saw fit to bless my life. One of the most prominent experiences was when I was in my afternoon classes with Hermana Delgado. She has gotten better lately at teaching. But sometimes she really frustrates us. And not just me. Our whole class. She decided to take our class outside yesterday in front of the temple. Just because she wanted to go outside. It wasted time and then we get out there and she had us do this role play activity that she always makes us do and it doesn´t help us at all. Our other teachers give her the less important lessons when they plan out the teaching week because they know that she doesn´t teach us very well. Anyway. We were all frustrated with her and I think she could tell. The first hour was spent outside doing a little role play game, and then we went inside and she was to act as our investigator. And Elder Webb and I happened to be first. I could tell that she really wasn´t in a good mood. She seemed upset. But we didn´t really think much about it. I had a hard heart. We walked to the room where we teach her and knocked on the door, she opened it and we walked in. She closed the door and looked at us. And then burst into tears. She went off in rapid Spanish about how overwhelmed she is and how hard this is for her (this is her first group of missionaries) and talked about how she feels really jealous about her ``boyfriend`` (he works at the MTC too and apparently isn´t very interested in her, it´s dramatic here) and all these different things about her life and she asked for a blessing. She begged for a blessing. She doesn´t speak English. Haha I don´t think Elder Webb understood one word she said. She was hysterical. But it felt like a spiritual slap upside the head. I am so selfish. Although she may not have been the best teacher, I have no idea what she is going through. I learned a valuable lesson. I proceeded to give her a blessing in Spanish, and it was terrifying. But the words just flowed. I felt the love that Heavenly Father has for her, and I now know that I can never judge people the way I have always done. I don´t know what they are going through. I do know that God loves everyone just as much as me, and I need to see them through His eyes and not my own. The Lord is so good to all of us. I have learned so much from Hermana Delgado. I have pondered her and what she has taught me. It is much more valuable than the Spanish language or teaching skills. Her faith is such an example. She taught me a lot about how to be more Christ like. You know, in the beginning Elder Malan told me that she was my teacher for a reason. He said that the teachers here are inspired and that I would one day now why Anna Delgado was assigned to the Wilford Woodruff district (my district). His words proved to be prophetic. I am grateful for my experiences here. I am so grateful for the CCM. I know I was sent here for a reason.
I have other experiences, but they are more personal so I will write them in my letters today. I am dedicating my P day to letter writing. I must tell all of you that I was never so happy in my whole mission than I was the past week. I LOVED LOVED LOVED the present from Laurie. Wow. So incredibly wonderful. The Hermanas here loved it too. It really is perfect. That was so nice of her. I also loved the letters from you guys. When I saw that letter I about died. If I could get one of those once or twice a month, I can make it through this no problem. I was sad that there wasn´t one from Spence in there. I have a lot to tell him. I cried a lot. Haha. Those letters are my prized possessions. It´s amazing how much things change when you leave home for two years. Talk about sorting out priorities. I loved Duane´s letter too. And Grammy´s and Grandpa´s letters. I am so blessed to have the family that I do.
To be more mundane, this week was good. We got new hermanas in our district from Provo about two weeks ago, and they distract me a ton in class. They have really similar interests and tastes to me, so we talk a lot. It´s actually not a good thing. But it is nice to have people that are like me. I felt so different from everyone here for the longest time. One of them has even read the Alliance!! You know I have never met anyone that knew what that book was. Anyway. They are a blessing and a curse. I was better staying on task when I didn´t really have the desire to talk to the people in my district. Still. Only a few days left of this. But I am working on staying focused here. I don´t think it´s good to just put off my problems until they don´t exist. I need to solve them myself.
What to say? My birthday here was great. It was another Hermana´s b-day in my district as well on the 19th, so that was cool. She is 22 now. They were so nice to me. They bought us all candy and stuff and wrote us notes. And they decorated our room and the new Hermanas had the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack playing when I walked in the room and everyone yelled “SURPRISE!!” when Elder Webb and I walked in. It was really sweet of them. I guess I had made a comment a while ago about how I didn´t expect this birthday to be that great, seeing as how I wasn´t with my family, but they made it special and that was their goal. Wonderful missionaries. I love them a lot.
Last P day I went to the mall and got a haircut. It was expensive. I talked to the guy cutting my hair about the gospel and lots of stuff. It was flipping hard to speak to him because he spoke really softly and there was a buzz in my ear the whole time from the clippers. And his Spanish was kind of weird. He´s from South America I think. But we managed to communicate somehow and I wrote my testimony in a BOM and gave it to him afterwards. Hopefully something comes from that! I ate at Burger King too. It´s not that good. But a much needed break from what we eat here. Oh and guess what………………I BROKE M Y SODA FAST. I ordered wrong at Burger King and they gave me a meal instead of just the burger. And they don´t have water anywhere here in Spain unless you buy a bottle. The only things they had were carbonated drinks. So I got fanta. And I drank some and the carbonation about killed me. I felt like I was swallowing fire. Afterwards I felt sick. And now the thought of soda is repulsive to me. So I won´t be doing that again. People were trying to convince me to buy soccer shoes at the store for like forty euros. I was close to doing it, but I didn´t. It would have been stupid. I am not good enough to buy shoes for it. But I am really loving soccer.
Well I have lots more to say but I need to get off. I will write more in letters today. I suppose this is my last long email in the MTC. Kind of sad. But really just awesome.
I love you all with every fiber of my soul!!
Elder Sharp
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